WHAT? We are already ½ way through June!?!?
To say the first
half of 2017 has been amazing and the best year ever, well, would be a
lie. Let’s just Two-thousand Seventeen has started
out with a bang! I feel I am being
tested and sometimes I feel I am failing my tests miserably!
The Immediate Family.
Alexandria ended
up colliding with a frozen soccer ball to the head during recess playing dodge
ball, resulting in a concussion. We
treated for just a week and found out that she had Lyme Disease so we assumed
her symptoms were due to the Lyme Disease but after her full course of antibiotics
her migraines and concussion symptoms remained (at least all of her Lyme
symptoms seemed to be resolved and her testing improved). So, we went to a concussion specialist and
started physical therapy. All she wanted to do was play softball, dance, and be a kid; she was off for a couple months which was driving her crazy. (She is much
better now but is still doing eye therapy and by the end of summer should be
back to normal.)
Then there was our
Korimae. I came home from work one evening
to “Mommy, I think I broke my tooth!”
She shows me a piece of a tooth that looks like salt from a soft
pretzel. So, I think to myself, “Oh,
that can’t be so bad it is probably a chipped baby tooth.” I ask her to open her mouth. She opens her mouth and I see a big hole in
a molar and her gum! It is much BIGGER
than I think; Oh no! Then on top of it
all I see what looks like a bunch cavities!
My self-proclaimed “candy monster” has cavities and it is all my fault! (You see, we make a whole day of it and all
go as a family to the dentist; when I found out I had cancer and started
treatments I had to cancel all our appointments. After I finished my treatments I was in the
process of switching dentists and trying to get us all in but time just got
away and a year went by; the crazy thing was I had just spoke with our aunt who
works at the new office to get everything ready for us all to get in.) Let’s just say her mouth became quite costly
after a trip to the dentist & oral surgeon.
I am so thankful to God that the broken molar and cracked molar were
just baby teeth! She had two teeth
removed, a spacer put in, and seven cavities filled!
We asked her if
she learned her lesson. Her response, “Yes,
Eat More CANDY!” Ugh!!!!
I have to admit, I am quite ashamed of myself the
last few months. I have been quite a whiner, more so than normal.
Maybe not out loud to others but to myself. I feel like I am
always whining about not feeling up to par or about this thing or that thing,
and then I feel quite guilty because of how blessed I am.
The end of January, I had a "small"
outpatient procedure to remove some adhesions that were giving me some issues
with what I am going to call "chronic" pelvic pain. I really
thought that I was going to maybe only be off a day maybe two of work, so when
I asked at scheduling if I could go back to work the next day, I felt like I
was being laughed at as I was being told I needed to be off at least a week.
For those of you who know me, you know my passion is
running. Running is my escape from it all, my outlet, my time alone to
meditate and pray or enjoy God's beauty. Well I was thinking that this
was a "small" procedure so after a week I should be able to go back
to running, well I was very sore so I
was good and I also listened
to my husband who said you better wait and ask the doctor before you
start back to running.
(UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!)
So, I went to my post-op appointment, and guess
what? I did what I said I would, I asked him if I could run (thinking
that if not that week maybe next)... NOPE... at least 6 weeks... WHAT???? But
at least I got a "You can work up to walking" turned into "You
can briskly walk". (UGH).
So President's
Day came and I still couldn't run yet and that is when it hit me hard. I know I sound like such a
complainer... Booo Hoo Jackie can't run!
But when you take away something you enjoy it
really is depressing!
And Do you realize how long it takes to walk 7
miles?
So I have been walking as much as I can up to
seven or more miles & sometimes less. But it can be frustrating especially
when you know how further you can run in the same amount of time you were
walking.
Well, President's Day, I went
to the park bright and early. It was so beautiful out, bright and sunny
about 45 degrees when I arrived and by the time I left it hit about 60.
When I arrived there were people everywhere, so there was NO sneaking a
run in (although, I was thinking about it, but definitely would have been busted
by someone who knew my "Personal Code's Enforcement Officer",
Jason").
I started my walk enjoying the beautiful scenery.
I have always said I would never run in a race, because all the people around
it makes me anxious and I run to relieve anxiety not to bring it on. I
enjoy running by myself or with friends.
I was a little irritated watching everyone who
jogged toward me, as I longed to be running. But I realized something
about myself I didn't realize existed; I am rather competitive without trying...
Yes, I was a tad irritated when runners would run toward me, but as I was
briskly walking I had a couple pass me. YES, an area that I normally run,
normally no one passes me (well normally because not as busy I am sure) but I
was getting more and more annoyed.
At one point a woman passed me and I found myself
catching up to her. I wasn't running, I just picked up my speed even more and
then I realized I was crying because I was so upset because I wasn't running...
Isn't that HORRIBLE!?!?! I think there is actually something wrong with me!
Anyway... At that point I had to basically say "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? You are SO LUCKY! God has blessed you with a
wonderful family & amazing friends, health, a home, a business. You
had cancer and now are cancer free! And you are here whining and have
been for the last few weeks because you are walking instead of running;
GROW-UP! There are more important things to whine about and focus your
energy on." So I finished my walk focused on just praying for all those
around me having hard times.
Then my migraines
just won’t settle down which is so frustrating!
We switched insurance companies at the beginning of the year which was a
mess! I was scheduled for Botox injections for the first
week of January for my migraines; this set of injections would help me kind-of
determine if they are really helping or not,
well because the new insurance kept denying it due to “paperwork issues”
I went over a month past the date I was supposed to receive the injections
meaning the injections before were completely out of my system and I have to pretty much start over from the beginning
to be able to judge if they are really working.
But on the bright
side we have met our deductibles so far with all of Alexandria, Korimae, and my
tests we have had.
Just like everyone
else, there is all the extras that insurance didn’t cover, our truck is about
dead… and there is a spot that needs fixed on the other vehicle… the central
air went out at the house and is just patched until next year, etc… It just
seems like when you think you’re getting ahead you take 20 steps behind…
Then there is our
friends and family…It seems like everywhere I turn there is
heartbreak.
A precious little
girl so sweet, caring, and thoughtful, always one of the first to run up to me
and hug me and say “Hey Coach” or “You're going to wear the Blue lipstick, right
coach?” was taken too soon and went to
be with Jesus. My heartaches and my eyes
fill with tears every time I think of her and pray for her family and friends. I almost feel as if I have lost a part of my own family; I don't know how to explain it. I just loved this little one. As I run at the park and I see little blue birds and think of her and her cute giggle. I swear I can hear her
say “run faster Coach” then I laugh….
And I think of this upcoming field hockey season and how it is going to
be so rough without her!
Then it seems
everywhere I turn someone I know well had a heart attack, some crazy disease, they have
cancer, or passed away. I am half afraid to answer the
phone at times or open the prayer chain email because of who I may hear about
next. And I start to question God and I shouldn't and I stop and pray because I know I am wrong, and that there is a bigger picture and don't always know why and I have to just remember hand it over to God...
"Trust In You"- Lauren Daigle
It is crazy when
someone you know gets cancer how many feelings return, but when someone really
close to you gets the diagnosis the emotions that flow back are so
powerful.
I am just almost
over 2017…Why am I telling
you all of this????
Not to pity me,
but to be real! It is to say we all have
difficult times. I don’t know why we go
through these rough patches? I must
believe there is a lesson to be learned.
I think my lesson is patience, pray more, and to trust God more. Trust him that he will provide and give him
my anxieties; stop worrying.
Is all of 2017 bad, NO???? Not at all!!!
I am still CANCER
FREE, Thanks to GOD! I have an
amazing family and friends that I have been able to spend time with and share lots of laughter, memories, and stories with.
I have been able
to watch my girls play ball all spring. We are all healthy now (minus my exhaustion
and migraines). Thanks to God and my
amazing doctor the abdominal surgery in January, I will call a success; I still
have some discomfort at times but not the constant pain like before! I have witnessed friends of mine healed of cancer. I have seen miracle babies born. I have heard countless stories of how God has been faithful in situations that could have been bad but turned out good.
I get to run any time I want and see beautiful canvases like the picture below that God paints just for me!
I guess I/we have to remember to live each day to the fullest, looking at the glass HALF FULL rather than half empty; only then can we really enjoy the Fruity taste of the WINE.
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