HEROES

A few weeks ago, I received a brochure for Sight and Sound Theaters.  As I opened the brochure, I realized that Esther would be performed in Lancaster this Spring.   Over the years we have seen many shows at Sight & Sound Theater, all have been amazing! Esther coming to Sight & Sound had me ecstatic!  

    

I placed this brochure where Jas would obviously see it.  When I saw he moved the brochure, I would re-open it move it back into plain sight.  He obviously was not getting my subtle hints so I had to resort to telling him much I would love to see the show & how it would be a wonderful anniversary gift.  FINALLY, after a couple weeks he ordered the tickets.  

Proverbs 12:25 NIV
 An anxious heart weighs a man down,
 but a kind word cheers him up.

Unfortunately, due to COVID-19 our anniversary trip was postponed.  I must admit I was/am a little saddened about not being able to go.  I got to thinking about how selfish I was being and how many people have much more to complain about.  The whole world is suffering; it isn’t just about ME.

If you are like me, you have lots to think about isolated in your home.  I am trying not to be anxious but the thought of temporarily shutting down my store and how to handle this situation, the kids being at home stressed over the thought of not going back to school, not being able to see family or friends other than the video chats (at least we have this), and of course the possibility of the virus hitting home are just some of the worrisome thoughts that have stricken me. 

Whining to myself, three women’s names came to me. Three women that back in January & February I had a desire to re-read about them and watch videos/movies on their lives.  If you asked me to pick a female hero, I would have a difficult time deciding which of these three it would be.  These three women didn’t not make it a habit to complain about their hardships, they all trusted God to get them through the trials and despair. Who were these women? Queen Esther, Harriet Tubman, and Corrie ten Boom. 

Queen Esther

Esther is one of my favorite books of the Bible.  From the time I was a small child, I just loved to hear the story of Esther and how she risked her life for her people. If you were to open my Picture Bible to the section about Queen Esther it would be one of the most worn selections.  As a child, I would even imagine myself as Esther when the book was read, or I would watch cartoon about her.

Reading the book of Esther, you learn that not only was Esther beautiful, she was loving and loyal!   

Throughout the book of Esther, God’s name is not mentioned but you see God working through the smallest details and he never abandoned anyone.  (Just some examples of these details:  Esther being a Jewish orphan and raised by Mordecai. King Xerxes kicks his queen out for not obeying his order & searches for a new queen.  Esther is sent away with other eligible women in the land she won the kings favor.  Nobody realizes that Esther is a Jew including her new husband & his advisers.  Esther risked her life (for her people) by trusting God and going in front of her king, King Xerxes, without being invited (which could have gotten her killed being his queen or not). Esther ends up foiling the plan of Haman (the kings top official) to persecute the Jews.) and Mordecai becomes a top official for the king.

Esther’s story shows that when things seem impossible, God can bring about freedom and even redemption!

Harriet Tubman

I was in third grade when I first learned about Harriet Tubman.  Our 3rd grade teacher read a book to us about her and I was instantly fascinated by her and her bravery.

Harriet never turned her back on God or her people.  Born a slave she escaped to freedom following God’s instructions.  Many times, she could have been caught (especially since she suffered from seizures) but God protected her & helped her escape.  Not only did she make it to freedom, she felt the calling to go back and help free more slaves. 

As part of the Underground Railroad, Harriet received the nickname “Moses”.  She made around 13 missions rescuing around 70 enslaved people.  

“Twant me, ‘twas the Lord! I always told him, ‘I trust you.  I don’t know where to go or what to do, but I expect you to lead me,’ and He always did.” -Harriet Tubman

Through the toughest moments in time, Harriet chose to follow God and trusted he was working through her and protecting her.  She could have let fear consume her, but she chose to look toward Christ.

Corrie ten Boom

When I was a child (even to this day) Corrie ten Boom’s story has always fascinated me. I remember reading parts of her story and her book “The Hiding Place” as a kid.  But I felt compelled to re-read the book back in February.

Through this book Corrie talks about her life as a watchmaker.  How she was the first woman licensed watchmaker in the Netherlands.  Corrie tells of how God used the smallest details (ex. her being a watchmaker) to help her and her family save around 800 lives during the Nazi Holocaust during WWII.  Through this book, Corrie told how God helped her family save these lives using something as small as lice to help Corrie and her sister spread His love and to be thankful for everything including things we think are terrible.  There were so many times Corrie and her family could have denounced Christ (especially being sent to the concentration work and death camps) but they remained strong & God’s light showed through the Ten Boom family.  Through Corrie's biography you can see the many miracles God provided to help Corrie and her family. 

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength”

- Corrie ten Boom

“Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear”- Corrie ten Boom

“It is not my ability, but my response to God’s ability, that counts”- Corrie ten Boom

Thankful.

As I look at these three women, their story of selflessness, courage, and strong trust in God through the biggest trials of their lives as well as the lives of the world around them, it makes me admire them all the more!

Right now, I (along with the millions of others) am sitting at home.  My business (our livelihood) is temporarily closed (along with millions of other non-essential businesses around the country); uncertain to when we can re-open because of COVID-19.  Our children are home from school working on-line classwork, the grocery stores are fighting to keep the shelves stocked, healthcare providers and facilities are struggling to keep above water, and the country/world is in panic mode. Again, I admit I get anxious thoughts about this uncharted territory, BUT I must trust that God will help us get through!   Just has God guided the hand of King Xerxes to hold his scepter towards Queen Esther setting  in place the deliverance of the Jews from persecution, as He guided Harriet to freedom then helped her return to save others, and as He helped Corrie and her family through the trials and tribulations they encountered when the Nazis invaded Holland & being with them when they made the choice to be selfless with helping their neighbors. 

Yes, times are tough (not just for me but for everyone) but already I am seeing in my life what is most important and how blessed I am!   

As I said a few times through this blog,  I tend to find myself being more anxious the more I dwell on my anxieties about the future; the news and social media are both overwhelming with their post.  If you find yourself anxious or depressed, try to limit these fears by limiting the news, limiting the social media posts, and by thanking God for what we have as well as what we don’t have.  Also get out your Bible (if you don’t have one download one) and start reading, and just pray.  

Pray for you and your family, the people on the frontlines (medical personnel, grocery store workers, those delivering your packages and mail, etc.…) 

Know you are loved and not alone!  

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16  (KJV) 

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)" 

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV)"

 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:2  (NIV)

As I look at these three women, I am reminded that GOD is in control.  With Him we don’t need to be anxious.  

I have to remember to give thanks for what we have and what we don’t have.  

Reading List

While you are sitting at home with plenty of time on your hands, I recommend some reading for you!  This reading deals with these three amazing ladies.  I only highlighted a few points of their amazing lives, but these stories really place what is important into perspective!  

• The book of Esther (in the Bible between Nehemiah and Job)
• “Bound for the Promised Land:  Harriet Tubman”, “Portrait of an American Hero” or “Harriet Tubman: The Road to Freedom”
• “The Hiding Place”

TIME---> Where has it gone?

HELLO THERE

Yes, it is me Jackie…  You probably forgot all about this blog of mine.  I don’t blame you; it has been ages since I have posted anything.  There has been so many times I have wanted to write but I tend to get sidetracked very easily.

Since my last post, our life has not changed too much.  We keep ourselves very busy to the point it is nice to be able to crash on the sofa and prop those feet up, this does not happen often.  

Our oldest daughter is 19!  Ahh yes, how can we have a 19-year-old now?   Our two youngest are 13 and 11. I have a hard time fathoming this!

Oh, we also have a new addition to our family; meet Rosie Jackson!    

After being told “NO!”  and then Jason joking around saying “If you come up with the money you can get her” I sold bunch of items on Marketplace.  The next week (without Jason knowing), I just went and had Rosie delivered to our house.  

No, Rosie is not spoiled!  Not at All!  I don’t care what Jason and Alex say or well anyone else, I DO NOT treat her like she is a baby 🤣😉.  But lets just say if she is spoiled and treated like a princess or baby, what is wrong with that?

Not only is Rosie the newest member of our family, but I am praying that we can work with her to become a certified therapy dog (or whatever you call it);I would love to be able to take her to some cancer awareness events, children's hospitals, schools, etc.  It would be great to be able to help someone by bringing some joy to their day.   So if you could pray about this, I would appreciate it!  I would love any input as well!

Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month

Can you believe it is end of September 2019?  I can’t!  Each year, September is recognized as Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month.  More than likely you have been hit somehow by the big “C’; whether it was you personally, a spouse, a family member, a friend.  Like you, I know many people around me that are/were impacted by cancer from my dad, other family members, friends, and myself.  Cancer does not discriminate!

Before I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, it never crossed my mind that I would be told “you have cancer”.  Yes, I would see all the ads at the doctor’s offices as well as commercials etc. warning women about breast cancer and screening but I had never heard anything about Ovarian Cancer.  Now that my eyes have been opened about ovarian cancer, I am amazed the number of women I know or have come across daily or even heard about on the news (for example) that have been affected by it.  Unfortunately, there is still minimal information circulating on women's cancers.  Like me, many women know about Breast Cancer but they know nothing about some of the other female cancers like ovarian, uterine, and cervical  (unless someone they know has gone through  it or they have themselves have).   I would probably say if you went and polled people on the street, most would know what  pink awareness ribbon stands for and not many would know what the teal is for.

Ovarian cancer is considered a silent killer; unless there is suspicion, there are no yearly tests or screenings proven to detect it.   Unfortunately, many times when women find out they have ovarian cancer, it is at the later stages. 

Thankfully God knocked me down (literally) forcing me to stop being stubborn and forcing me to see a doctor.  I was one of the lucky ones; the cancer was discovered early.  The process wasn’t easy on myself or my family especially with the surgeries, the chemo treatments, and all the aftereffects of the chemo.  Even four years later, I still have testing to make sure I am still healthy, my family still has fear that it will return,  I am still saddened we can not have another baby (but have come to grips with it).

Can you believe it has been four years since my initial diagnosis?

I am heading towards my fourth year of REMISSION!!!  YEY!!!  Thursday, I had another follow up with my gynecological oncologist; all is great, I am still cancer free!  I didn’t have any worries when I went to the appointment, but it always feels good leaving knowing that you are still clear. God is good!

Four years later and this month reminds me of all I must be thankful for.  It reminds me to always trust God, God teaching me that He is in control,  life is short & to make the best of it, that Jason and I still need to take time to “date” each other (like we did with my weekly chemo trips less the chemo) , continue spending time with family and friends, and ask for help when needed. 

I do not care who you are, please be proactive!  If you have been dealing with something for a couple weeks or more (it may not have to deal with cancer, it may be some other medical issue you are having) listen to your body.  Consult a doctor and continue to search for the answers to what is going on.  Do not give up!

Ovarian cancer---symptoms from the NOCC website

Ovarian cancer is difficult to detect, especially in the early stages. This is partly due to the fact that the ovaries - two small, almond-shaped organs on either side of the uterus - are deep within the abdominal cavity. The following are often identified by women as some of the signs and symptoms of ovarian cancer:

• Bloating
• Pelvic or abdominal pain
• Trouble eating or feeling full quickly
• Feeling the need to urinate urgently or often

Other symptoms of ovarian cancer can include:

• Fatigue
• Upset stomach or heartburn
• Back pain
• Pain during sex
• Constipation or menstrual changes

For more information on Ovarian Cancer visit the NOCC website /http://ovarian.org/

L 7

My Lil' Corner of Town

Our small town reminds me of  "Mayberry".  Five years, Twenty years, Thirty years go by and not much changes. The area of the town where I spend most of my time has a local corner store/restaurant which is the hotspot where the "locals" congregate daily for breakfast and lunch (we joke that if the town was completely snowed tunnels would be dug so  the locals could all get there for breakfast).  There are  also banks, a jewelry store, a barbershop, our local "Macy's" (aka Goodwill), a coffee shop, a discount store, and a laundry mat... You know pretty much everyone you see on a first name basis in this town.  There are so many "good" and caring people in this community that look out for one another.  If there is someone "NEW" in the town they literally stick out.  Like I said it is kinda like Mayberry. 

The Window

There are many men and women  in this community that I have really grown fond of that are true staples in the community!  They are the people that really make a difference, if you don't see them out and about you miss them, they have made an impact in the town, and/or we me,  you just know them because they would do anything for you.  Many of these men and women have become friends and like family with us at the store and my family as well (I am sure others in this community).

The end of 2017 we lost one of our town's staples.  I am so fortunate to have been able call him my friend.   So many knew him and knew he was quite the character but unfortunately some who passed him by never got  the pleasure to really know him.  If you knew him, you knew that he told you like it was, he wouldn't hesitate to tell you if he didn't like something.  He didn't like attention on him.  He didn't pull any punches. A stubborn man was he (lol).

I loved to see him every day and sometimes numerous times a day.  He would come over to tell us the days lunch specials and tease me by saying something like, "Baby Girl, today's special it is your favorite... Meat Loaf!"  (you see he knows I don't like meatloaf, or shepards pie, or ribs, well anything like that, so he would love to mess with me).    This man would also come in and hang out with us if he saw from his apartment window "a shady character" lurking outside our store (he had a direct view of our store, the bank, and barber shop from his window so he would keep an eye out for all "his girls".  He got the nickname at the restaurant as "The Sheriff" so that kinda stuck as well). He would pop in our store from time to time  and surprise us with our favorite chocolates or bring us drinks.

Last year on for my birthday, he went out of his way to SURPRISE ME with a lemon meringue pie.  He had it specially made for me because he knew it was one of my favorites.  When he walked up to  the store to pick it up, it wasn't ready!  Well that didn't go well for the ladies at the bakery... Granted, I got my lemon meringue pie with a funny story with it.  Haha!!!

I wonder how many knew that when no one was watching (in the mornings or near dark) he would water the flowers in the town square's flower beds (I know we all sign up to water them in the summer but I am sure there are times they are forgotten or they may still dry out from heat so he helped keep them alive) and the banks flowers, he would wash my store's windows (sometimes the bank and barbershop's as well),  he would sweep the sidewalks, if it snowed sometimes cleared the snow (and he really wasn't in the best of health to do so), and he also go help out at the little store/restaurant I spoke of above?  I am sure there are more things I am missing that he did without being asked being rather stealthy about it because he didn't want any recognition.

As I have been leaving or  entering the store each morning and evening, I look up at his apartment window (as I always do) ready to wave and then realize he isn't there.  I keep waiting each day for him to come in the door but he doesn't... It is just not the same with out him!

Laughs...

I will miss our jokes.  Believe it or not he liked to joke around just as much as we did.  The best was secretly  "tagging" his back  with post-it notes that said things like "The Jewel Box Girls are the Best" and he would leave and come back later after going across the street and then to the barbershop.  He would come back (after we were busted by the Barbershop Girls)  shaking his finger and of course I got the blame because I was the first to post these on his back and the rest of the girls got in on it. But he loved it! 

I will miss his stories of  "his girlfriend" or him watering the cigarette receptacles outside to prevent people from pulling used "butts" out, re-lighting, and smoking them. Oh how he would laugh! 

Last spring he went home with me to help Jason off the porch roof.  Jason called me from his cell phone because he couldn't get down...  Well of course I couldn't go help him down by myself, I needed back up. We all laughed about this "unfortunate event" for months.  

Stories..

I will miss his stories of his life in Panama while in the service and how much he loved it there.  How the  nickname "Square" or L 7 (the L and 7 together  looks like a square) came about and it wasn't because he sat in the square all the time; it was because of a brick hitting his "flat head". Over the last few years there were many stories of his family and just friends...  He knew how to make us all laugh.    

Last year when we surprised him with the "town" celebrating his birthday week.  He played all "cool" but you could see the joy in his face and the extra bounce in his step.  He was proud.  It made it so worth it for all who participated!

These are just some of the memories of this man, a man I know this community will never forget and neither will I.  In the short amount of time that we knew him, he made a huge impact in my life.  Not only was he a friend, he basically became like family to us at the store and to my kids... 

He will forever be missed! 

We all love ya L7.

It has been some time since I have written a blog post.  Life has been rather hectic lately. There have been so many topics that have been running through my brain lately, but this topic has literally been smacking my head daily.

My Chronic Migraines 

Most of you have had headaches at times in your life, many of you have had a migraine before, and some of you suffer with them.  For me, I am pretty sure could deal if it was just a headache; I feel as if I have a fairly high pain tolerance, it is ALL the symptoms that come with the MIGRAINE & the frequency that is so frustrating. 

Most who are around me may not realize that I suffer with chronic migraines because I force myself to function in the everyday world.   Some weeks consist of daily migraines, while others I may have just two or three.  There is no rhyme or reason as to why I get them or how many I will get in a week.  I have had migraines since I was a kid but the last two years they have been relentless.

For me, almost every day for the past two years I wake up in what I call a brain fog, because either I am at the start of my next migraine or my body is trying to recover from the last one.   With the brain fog, I have an extremely hard time concentrating and focusing, sometimes I even feel so exhausted.  My speech even suffers at times, I feel like I am slurring my words.  There are times Jason or my girls are talking to me, I hear them &  see them mouthing the words but nothing is registering and if it does register there is a high probability I will forget what they said a few moments later.  (Those who are close to me, know that I am normally not forgetful, so this is very unlike me.  Ex. I normally can remember almost every detail of what happened 15 years ago.)  There are days that my head feels like someone is stabbing it and days that I may not have an actual “headache” but my vision is disturbed with auras and sometimes I have tunnel vision; then the nausea sets in, the dizziness and vertigo symptoms.   Sometimes I lose my vision, see flashes of light, have the auras, have high pitched ringing in my ears, and sounds are magnified for the day, sometimes just minutes, or hours depending on how the medications I am on decide to work that day.  Most of the time when I have a migraine I do have the combination of the headache and the vision but not all the time.  Then on top of it all too much stimuli makes the migraines worse.

The one thing that does seem to help is a cool, dark, quiet room where I can sleep it off.  Unfortunately, I have so many that I just can’t sleep my life away; I have a family and a job.  So, I put a smile on my face and push myself through each day.  Most of the time I can disguise it well; but this is exhausting.  There are only a handful of people that can tell when I am having one of my “episodes”.   When my migraine is over my body feels like Jell-O and I am wiped-out.  Maybe if I could go to that cool, dark, quiet room and sleep it would help but that isn’t an option. 

As many of you know, I love to run.  If I don't run, I do feel worse so there are times I have to force myself through my run.  Just the pounding of the pavement makes me even more nauseous at times.  There are times on the straight stretches I have to close my eyes to keep from losing my cookies.  But lately, I have been so weak that even getting out to run has been hard.   

 Did you know you don’t have to have a headache for it to be a migraine, just all the other migraine symptoms? 

My Triggers

I know of three triggers of mine but then there are days that I wake-up with a migraine and I am unsure what triggered it.

 Lights. My first trigger certain types of lights.  Florescent lighting is the worst; I can see the constant “flashing”.  Really bright LED lights.  Certain headlights.  

 Smells.  Certain perfumes, colognes, cleaning products,  certain candle scents, essential    oils, or anything that has a strong scent will automatically trigger a migraine. 

 Weather.  I am finding that my head is tending to be pretty good at predicting a big weather pattern change.

Things I have tried

I have tried elimination of foods hoping to maybe find a trigger without success.  As well as over the counter drugs, physical therapy, and ENT for my vertigo.  I have been doing Botox injections for almost a year now.  The Botox has not helped me in the fact that it has lessened the amount of migraines, but it has helped with the intensity of the pain associated with them.  I feel like a walking pharmacy with all the medications I take to prevent an attack or when one hits. Some of the meds I have to be “selective” when I am going to take because I can only take so many times each month; so I have to decide which is my worse day.   Many of the meds that I take just help ease the symptoms and they don’t cure the symptoms.

Cefaly or Sprint TMS

A few weeks back my neurologist sent me to see another neurologist to review everything we have been doing for the last two years.  There were hopes that there may be something she was missing or another medication that might work, or something else that we could be doing to help reduce the occurrence.  I met with this neurologist for about an hour and a half.  She did an exam and reviewed all my records and I am back to square one.   She agrees with everything that has been done so far.  Although she did suggest a Cefaly unit or a Spring TMS unit,  I am doing  research on both.  Cefaly is a onetime purchase but the electrodes are extra an extra fee and will frequently need replaced. The Spring TMS is a monthly fee.  But which is better?  Does one work better than the other?  I am so confused…     

Why am I writing all this? 

 I am frustrated… I am obviously not only one out there with chronic migraines with these crazy symptoms and maybe we can help each other.  I am hoping that maybe this will help people understand why I might seem “out to lunch” at times.  Maybe someone reading this will say, “Have you tried …?”   Maybe this will remind others to be sparing when using perfumes, colognes, essential oils because there are people who unfortunately have reactions to them.  

So if you have any ideas, suggestions, or maybe have tried the Cefaly or Spring TMS units I would like to hear your input. 

A Little Wine With My Whine...

WHAT?  We are already ½ way through June!?!?

To say the first half of 2017 has been amazing and the best year ever, well, would be a lie.  Let’s just Two-thousand Seventeen has started out with a bang!  I feel I am being tested and sometimes I feel I am failing my tests miserably!

 

The Immediate Family.

Alexandria ended up colliding with a frozen soccer ball to the head during recess playing dodge ball, resulting in a concussion.  We treated for just a week and found out that she had Lyme Disease so we assumed her symptoms were due to the Lyme Disease but after her full course of antibiotics her migraines and concussion symptoms remained (at least all of her Lyme symptoms seemed to be resolved and her testing improved).  So, we went to a concussion specialist and started physical therapy. All she wanted to do was play softball, dance, and be a kid; she was off for a couple months which was driving her crazy. (She is much better now but is still doing eye therapy and by the end of summer should be back to normal.)

Then there was our Korimae.  I came home from work one evening to “Mommy, I think I broke my tooth!”  She shows me a piece of a tooth that looks like salt from a soft pretzel.  So, I think to myself, “Oh, that can’t be so bad it is probably a chipped baby tooth.”  I ask her to open her mouth.   She opens her mouth and I see a big hole in a molar and her gum!  It is much BIGGER than I think; Oh no!  Then on top of it all I see what looks like a bunch cavities!  My self-proclaimed “candy monster” has cavities and it is all my fault!  (You see, we make a whole day of it and all go as a family to the dentist; when I found out I had cancer and started treatments I had to cancel all our appointments.  After I finished my treatments I was in the process of switching dentists and trying to get us all in but time just got away and a year went by; the crazy thing was I had just spoke with our aunt who works at the new office to get everything ready for us all to get in.)  Let’s just say her mouth became quite costly after a trip to the dentist & oral surgeon.  I am so thankful to God that the broken molar and cracked molar were just baby teeth!  She had two teeth removed, a spacer put in, and seven cavities filled!

 We asked her if she learned her lesson.  Her response, “Yes, Eat More CANDY!”   Ugh!!!!

I have to admit, I am quite ashamed of myself the last few months.  I have been quite a whiner, more so than normal.  Maybe not out loud to others but to myself.   I feel like I am always whining about not feeling up to par or about this thing or that thing, and then I feel quite guilty because of how blessed I am. 

The end of January, I had a "small" outpatient procedure to remove some adhesions that were giving me some issues with what I am going to call "chronic" pelvic pain.  I really thought that I was going to maybe only be off a day maybe two of work, so when I asked at scheduling if I could go back to work the next day, I felt like I was being laughed at as I was being told I needed to be off at least a week.  

For those of you who know me, you know my passion is running.  Running is my escape from it all, my outlet, my time alone to meditate and pray or enjoy God's beauty.  Well I was thinking that this was a "small" procedure so after a week I should be able to go back to running, well I was very sore so I was good and I also listened to my husband who said you better wait and ask  the doctor before you start back to running.  (UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!) 

So, I went to my post-op appointment, and guess what?  I did what I said I would, I asked him if I could run (thinking that if not that week maybe next)... NOPE... at least 6 weeks... WHAT???? But at least I got a "You can work up to walking" turned into "You can briskly walk". (UGH).  

 So President's Day came and I still couldn't run yet and that is when it hit me hard.  I know I sound like such a complainer... Booo Hoo Jackie can't run!  

But when you take away something you enjoy it really is depressing!

And Do you realize how long it takes to walk 7 miles?

So I have been walking as much as I can up to seven or more miles & sometimes less. But it can be frustrating especially when you know how further you can run in the same amount of time you were walking.

Well,  President's Day,  I went to the park bright and early.  It was so beautiful out, bright and sunny about 45 degrees when I arrived and by the time I left it hit about 60.  When I arrived there were people everywhere, so there was NO sneaking a run in (although, I was thinking about it, but definitely would have been busted by someone who knew my  "Personal Code's Enforcement Officer", Jason").  

I started my walk enjoying the beautiful scenery. I have always said I would never run in a race, because all the people around it makes me anxious and I run to relieve anxiety not to bring it on.  I enjoy running by myself or with friends. 

I was a little irritated watching everyone who jogged toward me, as I longed to be running.  But I realized something about myself I didn't realize existed; I am rather competitive without trying... Yes, I was a tad irritated when runners would run toward me, but as I was briskly walking I had a couple pass me.  YES, an area that I normally run, normally no one passes me (well normally because not as busy I am sure) but I was getting more and more annoyed. 

At one point a woman passed me and I found myself catching up to her. I wasn't running, I just picked up my speed even more and then I realized I was crying because I was so upset because I wasn't running...  Isn't that HORRIBLE!?!?!  I think there is actually something wrong with me!

Anyway... At that point I had to basically say "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???  You are SO LUCKY! God has blessed you with a wonderful family & amazing friends, health, a home, a business.  You had cancer and now are cancer free!  And you are here whining and have been for the last few weeks because you are walking instead of running; GROW-UP!  There are more important things to whine about and focus your energy on."  So I finished my walk focused on just praying for all those around me having hard times.

Then after I recovered from this I had my wisdom removed on Good Friday, and of course I wasn’t an easy patient.  It probably wasn't the smartest idea to have them removed before Easter, but I don't always do things the easy way.  My chart ended up with a BIG RED FLAG.  After surgery, my face bruised and I was the lucky  one who got a “dry socket”!!! AHHHHH!!! So painful!  So needless to say I saw the oral surgeon not a total of twice as planned, I saw him for I believe a total of 2 and half weeks after surgery.  And did you know you can’t run after for a couple weeks after you have your wisdom teeth extracted? Uggghhhh!!!

Then my migraines just won’t settle down which is so frustrating!  We switched insurance companies at the beginning of the year which was a mess!    I was scheduled for Botox injections for the first week of January for my migraines; this set of injections would help me kind-of determine if they are really helping or not,  well because the new insurance kept denying it due to “paperwork issues” I went over a month past the date I was supposed to receive the injections meaning the injections before were completely out of my system and  I have to pretty much start over from the beginning to be able to judge if they are really working.  

But on the bright side we have met our deductibles so far with all of Alexandria, Korimae, and my tests we have had. 

Just like everyone else, there is all the extras that insurance didn’t cover, our truck is about dead… and there is a spot that needs fixed on the other vehicle… the central air went out at the house and is just patched until next year, etc… It just seems like when you think you’re getting ahead you take 20 steps behind…

Then there is our friends and family…It seems like everywhere I turn there is heartbreak. 

A precious little girl so sweet, caring, and thoughtful, always one of the first to run up to me and hug me and say “Hey Coach” or “You're going to wear the Blue lipstick, right coach?”  was taken too soon and went to be with Jesus.  My heartaches and my eyes fill with tears every time I think of her and pray for her family and friends.  I almost feel as if I have lost a part of my own family; I don't know how to explain it.  I just loved this little one.  As I run at the park and I see little blue birds and think of her and her cute giggle.  I swear I can hear her say “run faster Coach” then I laugh….  And I think of this upcoming field hockey season and how it is going to be so rough without her!  

Then it seems everywhere I turn someone I know well had a heart attack, some crazy disease, they have cancer, or passed away.  I am half afraid to answer the phone at times or open the prayer chain email because of who I may hear about next. And I start to question God and I shouldn't and I stop and pray because I know I am wrong, and that there is a bigger picture and  don't always know why and I have to just remember hand it over to God...

 

"Trust In You"- Lauren Daigle

It is crazy when someone you know gets cancer how many feelings return, but when someone really close to you gets the diagnosis the emotions that flow back are so powerful. 

I am just almost over 2017…Why am I telling you all of this????

Not to pity me, but to be real!  It is to say we all have difficult times.  I don’t know why we go through these rough patches?  I must believe there is a lesson to be learned.  I think my lesson is patience, pray more, and to trust God more.  Trust him that he will provide and give him my anxieties; stop worrying.    

 

Is all of 2017 bad, NO???? Not at all!!!

I am still CANCER FREE, Thanks to GOD!     I have an amazing family and friends that I have been able to spend time with and share lots of laughter, memories, and stories with.

I have been able to watch my girls play ball all spring. We are all healthy now (minus my exhaustion and migraines).  Thanks to God and my amazing doctor the abdominal surgery in January, I will call a success; I still have some discomfort at times but not the constant pain like before!  I have witnessed friends of mine healed of cancer.  I have seen miracle babies born.  I have heard countless stories of how God has been faithful in situations that could have been bad but turned out good.  

I get to run any time I want and see beautiful canvases like the picture below that God paints just for me! 

 

I guess I/we have to remember to live each day to the fullest, looking at the glass HALF FULL rather than half empty; only then can we really enjoy the Fruity taste of the WINE.