So this weekend I attended a wonderful, well amazing women's conference called the "Belong Tour" (what was formally Women of Faith). I was able to spend it with a bunch of amazing women from Friday through Saturday night. My friend Karen introduced me to two lovely ladies that I am so blessed to have met and know that they are also my "Sisters in Christ" and well the fact that our outstanding personalities all meshed really well together was awesome too.
Over the course of the conference were what our team organizer called "nuggets" that I or we would tend to pick up from the conference. These "nuggets" per say were the GOLD or the DIAMONDS as I like to think of that spark my interest, that pull me in, or make me say WHOOOO...
One of the nuggets that I really pulled from the conference that I remember the four of us ladies were talking about was the one phrase that a speaker said... it basically was to "GO AFRAID". WOW! I felt her speaking RIGHT TO ME!!!! This was crazy to me... Because the whole week before I had this struggle... which I will explain later...
So basically she wasn't saying you need to be afraid the whole time when you go out to do something. What I took from it was, she was saying if God leads you to do something and you are scared to take that step, DO IT ANYWAY! If God wants us to do this he will help us through it. If we are scared of the pain it may cause or make you feel, of rejection, of being ridiculed whatever and do nothing & we just sit in our homes how are we going to honor Christ? How are we going to make ourselves stronger?
She basically said that if we stop being scared of pain we will find our purpose. How crazy is that!?!? So if we stop being scared of pain, heartache, and rejection and then take that leap of faith & just do it, God will show us our purpose; wow..
So anyway, here I go again!!! This whole blog thing was a step of faith for me... Hence the name of the blog! TOTALLY OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE. I am not comfortable talking about me! I felt pulled to do this a year ago and like I said before kept putting it off, thinking that this crazy idea would go away.
One day I was talking about it to a wonderful woman, Elaine; I just love her. I was telling her how I would love to help others and was thinking about writing blog. As we talked, I told her I was struggling because I don't particularly like talking about me and obviously writing a blog I would have to & that is pretty uncomfortable; then the fact was I just didn't really know where to begin. I also was throwing around the idea about maybe writing an article for the newspaper on ovarian cancer awareness as well as just thanking the community. She loved all these ideas.
The next thing she says to me was, "Jackie, I really think you should speak at the Relay for Life. You would be great." "I didn't realize she had any say in who speaks at the Relay, Oh, my... now what have I gotten myself into?" These were some of the thoughts going through my mind as well as "How am I going to get myself out of this mess, I am totally not worthy to speak to all these people, there are so many other people that would be better than me, I am not a public speaker...." So I politely declined. She looked at me and put her hands on my hands and said something like, "Please don't say no yet, think about it and pray about it, and give me an answer in a couple weeks."
After she left I walked back to my computer and checked my e-mail. There was one from our pastor, I started reading it, and stopped. Oh, my! I think this was me being hit in the head with a brick by God! In it our pastor was asking me to speak in front of our entire church body at a brunch giving my testimony on how God has worked in our lives especially over the difficult times. Guess what time it was sent to me???? Yup, you probably guessed it... The same time I was being asked to speak at the relay.
Did I call and say yes to both? No, I talked to Jason about it. I prayed about it. I ran at the park and for days stewed over it. Then the song "I am not Alone" kept playing and the words "you will go before me" kept playing and I kept feeling this burden that I needed to do this! At the park I said, "OK GOD! I will e-mail our pastor and tell him I will do it, and if it goes well then I will say yes to the relay." (Basically making a deal with God...) After I agreed to speak, I felt this burden lifted from my shoulders;it was so crazy!
Well I was SCARED! I was so nervous that Sunday and EVERYONE was there. (You have to understand our church is probably one of the larger ones in the county and we have two services and both services were at this brunch meaning hundreds of people) I prayed that I wouldn't fall! (Because if you know me I am a huge klutz!) After I didn't fall, I trembled as I introduced myself to everyone.. "Hello my name is Jackie and I am 30 years old until I tell you otherwise", God allowed me to use my dry sense of humor to get everyone laughing (I am obviously not 30) and calm me down. Once that happened I don't remember anything else; It wasn't me talking, God was speaking through me! Everything just flowed out of my mouth.
Remember that deal I basically made with God? I shouldn't have made a deal with God. I picture him laughing at me because he knew that I was going to be speaking at that Relay! He knows that ultimately in my heart I want to help others & make a difference even if it is just one person. I spoke at the Relay for Life; it was a wonderful experience, the set up was beautiful, the community support amazing, the love and just I can't even explain what I felt that night it was an experience I will never forget.
I was so scared before that speech! But my biggest prayer was that I could reach one person that needed to see a doctor; it didn't have to be about ovarian cancer, it could be for depression, heart issues, diabetes, or whatever. I was not expecting to hear from anyone but God answered that prayer and he even showed me that he answered it! I had a woman message me that night saying she had the symptoms I spoke of and she was calling her doctor, then another woman contacted me, and I had someone say, "I haven't been to my gynecologist in years I am calling because of you this week." Tears started flowing after each person contacted me and thinking about it they still flow!
So I have been taking those steps of faith and stepping WAYYYYY out of my comfort zone. I was afraid to do something... and kinda like those old Nike commercials the line "JUST DO IT", I felt and still feel God was and is telling me "Jackie, Just Do It! Trust me!". Granted I did it, and I was trusting God and I am amazed at the outcomes so far.
September 6th, I had a phone call from my oncologists office. It was the day before my appointment. I was thinking, "they must be calling to reschedule". The girl on the phone said to me something like, "I have a strange request, someone here at Pinnacle saw your blog and knew you were a patient here and wanted to see if you would be interested in doing an interview; I can't release any info without your permission, would you be interested? If you want I can have them call you and they can fill you in and then you can make the decision." I was on put the spot, and trying to think of what to even say. I knew that I had come this far, so might as well find out what it is about, so I said "OK!"....
Within Two minutes I had a phone call. I was told about this video interview. I was totally nervous! I was thinking, "I am not sure that it was my thing!" Another example of something WAY OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE! As I was being told about the interview I was also told that if I was going to do it they were conducting the interview tomorrow morning. This was to spread awareness for Ovarian Cancer and they wanted to do it right away since it is September and Ovarian Cancer Awareness month as well as show off some of Pinnacle Health's services. "AHHHHH Tomorrow MORNING!!!! Oh my!!!! OK God what do you want me to do????" All these thoughts going through my head. Then the thought went through my head. "You have come this far, it isn't about you, it is about those you can possibly help." That is when I said yes. https://youtu.be/YlR1klFY4LU
Within Two minutes I had a phone call. I was told about this video interview. I was totally nervous! I was thinking, "I am not sure that it was my thing!" Another example of something WAY OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE! As I was being told about the interview I was also told that if I was going to do it they were conducting the interview tomorrow morning. This was to spread awareness for Ovarian Cancer and they wanted to do it right away since it is September and Ovarian Cancer Awareness month as well as show off some of Pinnacle Health's services. "AHHHHH Tomorrow MORNING!!!! Oh my!!!! OK God what do you want me to do????" All these thoughts going through my head. Then the thought went through my head. "You have come this far, it isn't about you, it is about those you can possibly help." That is when I said yes. https://youtu.be/YlR1klFY4LU
So as the speakers this weekend talked about; sometimes we can't just take the "easy button" in life, sometimes we have to run in scared!
This morning we went to church our pastor summed up the weekend's conference perfectly with his message; I love when this happens.
Basically don't let the fear control you. Let God take control of your fear so he can allow him to lead and direct your life.
My friends Heidi and Karen both said to me (I never thought of it until they brought it up) something like, "God had a reason for you to create and post your first blog post around the anniversary of you surgery. September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month and he showed it to a person who was moved by your story enough that they wanted to interview you and share your story."
All I can say is---- WOW!
I don't know what God has in-store for me next, but I know I have to remain open-minded and ready to receive.
What About you? What are you going to do, Take the "easy button" or trust God and go for it, even if afraid?
What About you? What are you going to do, Take the "easy button" or trust God and go for it, even if afraid?
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