It is hard for me to believe that Christmas is only a few days
away. I feel like a broken record when I
keep saying where did 2016 go? For me
this year was a great year with so much to be thankful for. Each month just passed quickly as each day
seemed to be “jam packed” with a schedule full of something from work, school,
church events, dance, doctor appointments, birthday parties, sporting events,
etc. I personally hope that 2017 doesn’t fly as quickly as this year has.
There was a day a few weeks ago, I went on a run. Well I run pretty much every day, but this
day was different because it was about 20 degrees out and extremely windy. The wind was not my friend that day; it just beat
me down. I was running into the wind and
it kept pushing me back. At one point,
it almost pushed me into a car, I had to throw myself a little to the left
almost onto a bank. As the wind, would
blow I would have to turn my head to the side or it would take my breath
away. There were also times that as I
was progressing up the hills the wind would sort-of lift me as I lifted my feet;
it was crazy!
For part of my run, I veered off the main road onto a trail and I
saw the wind had knocked down a tree limb.
I normally wouldn’t take pictures of this; but this day it made
me stop and think. There are so many
things in our lives that we wrestle with: relationships, jobs, health issues, etc. Do we let those issues cover our path and
stop us dead in our tracks and retreat, or do we press forward and pick up each
of those broken limbs and clear our pathway?
I chose to pick up all the pieces and continue with my run.
Some of you may know about my chronic migraines. I have always suffered with migraines, ever
since I was a child but since my hysterectomy and chemo treatments they have
been relentless. We are unsure why, I
have been to specialists, and through countless testing, as well as different
medications including Botox injections, without much success. I would say out of a month, I may go 3-5 days
headache free. I may not always have the
pounding or throbbing pain; sometimes I just have the other symptoms that go
along with migraines ex. Nausea the vision issues, high pitched ringing in the
ears, dizziness, lightheadedness, etc.
I am pretty much exhausted all the time and in a “BRAIN FOG” … There are
times I feel like I can’t remember anything because I have a hard time
concentrating. But because I have these
headaches constantly, I must push on, I can’t crawl in a dark cold room (which
would be great). I must smile and act as
if everything is fine. I also have been
still having issues with some pelvic pain that just won’t go away…
There are times I just get to a point that I just cry, “WHY?!?!”
So why am I telling you all this? To pity me? NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just to say, that sometimes even when things
are hard you still should smile and push forward. Even when you don’t want to! That wind pushes hard and harder; but
sometimes, you have to be stubborn and push back harder.
Then as I was running near the water I took this video of the
waves and noticed that all the leaves were stuck floating in the corner. The
sound of the wind was relentless.
It made me think that if I am not careful, I can be like that,
stuck in a rut of discouragement, depression, just being a constant “Debbie
Downer”, dwelling on the bad; floating in the corner not able to leave, allowing
the wind and the waves to beat us against the shore. Trust me, it is much easier said than
done. It is easy to just complain about
the situation that you are in and to want to give up rather than focus on the good. Just know that you are not alone.
I am not giving up, God healed me of the cancer! I am just waiting patiently now for the other
pain to be healed but I have faith and going to keep smiling because I don’t
want to get stuck in that “rut”…
Psalm 59:17 (NET) You are my source of strength! I will sing praises to you! For God is my
refuge, the God who loves me.
We knew this time was coming, it was inevitable. A few months ago if you would have asked me how long I thought my grandmother would be around, given her health at that very moment, I would have said another ten years or more. Unfortunately, as many of us know our days on this earth are numbered.
This Monday, when I received the news that my grandmother had passed away I don't know that it really hit me. As I sit here thinking of tomorrows events, it hit me how much of an impact my grandparents really were in my life and my kids lives.
It has been years but I still miss the visits, the phone calls, and the cards from my Grandma & Grandpa S. (my mom's parents). I would give anything for The "Hug of Death" as I would call it, from my Grandma S. She had this winter jacket that I hated, every time she gave a hug not only would she squeeze you to death but the coat would jab your skin & it would feel like there were a million needles stabbing you to death. My Grandma S. was a hugger, even if she didn't know you she would smile at you and possibly go out of her way to hug you. Then there was My Grandpa S. was a small quiet man, I miss sitting on the ground under the blue sky staring at the clouds for hours and listening to his stories; I also miss sharing our birthday parties since we were 70 years and 1 day apart in age. I miss Grandpa Feaster (he was my Grandma O's second husband) and him pulling my pigtails as a kid calling me "farmer Jackie" and all the fun times with him. Then there were times with Grandpa O. (my Grandma O's third husband) teasing me,the trips to Carlisle, the mounds of mixed food on his plate, all the time spent with him, as well as playing cards together, and watching him do his crossword puzzles & word searches. The day Grandpa & Grandma O. brought us a stroller and I had to be the one to put it together; then the next day I gave birth to Candace. Some memories just fly back as if it were yesterday; even though some were from when I was maybe only four and some when I was twenty-four. There are times I can still hear them all talking & laughing. I have even often times seen someone walking and think it is one of them and my heart skips a beat. Now, my Grandma O. has joined the rest of my grandparents. She is now a part of my "past"; that thought is where it finally hit me. They are all part of my past. No more cards in the mail with her beautiful signature, no more phone calls talking about the day and what is going on in the neighborhood, no more visits, no more yummy deserts, no more talking about the kids and their sports or what is going on in our lives, no more talk about our love of jewelry. I will just have the memories... Memories of sneaking upstairs to her bedroom (when I was to be heading to the bathroom) at the "mansion" (what I called her old house) and getting in her piano jewelry box & wearing her jewelry (thinking she didn't know what I was doing, but she did).
Then the times we would sit down and play duets on the piano, or when my dad and brother took her to get her car and I spilled orange soda all over my dress, and then there was the time I told her I bought my store (the look on her face was priceless). Those are just some to name a few... This whole death thing isn't easy on this earth; granted knowing she is in a better place makes it easier. I am just very thankful for the last few months with her. If you know a little about me, my grandmother and I are a little alike in this matter: we don't always show people how much we care about them, like maybe we should. We bottle things up inside until they all come out. Not always a very healthy way to communicate, that is something I have always struggled with, and still do to this day. I have however been working on this and been getting much better! I also didn't inherit the "hugging" gene. I am one who has to "prepare myself" to give or receive them, or I feel as if I am going to crawl out of my skin. I am afraid I earned this gene from grandma. I remember my mom getting so upset with me as a small child because I was this way. I just know growing up, Grandma O. would hug us but when she hugged there was that sense of distance, but I am sure others could feel that same distance from mine too. But that is just us, it isn't that we don't like someone or love them, to me it is just something that doesn't feel "natural", "right", it is just "uncomfortable", and probably part of just our anxiety issues around people. Maybe was different for her, I don't know? I really never asked.
Last year when I went through my "cancer journey", as I will call it, I learned a valuable lesson: I was going to get many hugs whether I wanted them or not. Through those hugs, I sometimes laughed, sometimes cried, sometimes I wanted to crawl out of my skin, and sometimes I just felt like everything was going to be okay.
I learned through this journey how important a hug is for people. And although I am not a "huggie" person, that I need to "embrace the hug". I have had to pray about it, asking God to make me less "distant" or less "cold" and to let me not feel as if I am going to crawl out of my skin. Am I always okay now that I have prayed about it? No! But it has helped!!! The hug really does show people you care & even if you don't hug it is important to make sure that others really do know how you feel about them, that you do care/love them.
1 John 4:7 (NIV)Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
Although, Grandma always told us she loved us and we knew it; going through her place, I really saw some of the extent of her love for us. She saved each card and drawing from my brother and I growing up, as well as from our five kids. She saved the cards from our my parents and others close to her that she loved as well. I was able to keep her journals; skimming through them, I realized I forgot the date I bought my first car but she had that marked down: October 11, 1999. The date that my brother got his first big job title as a network admin (June 24, 1999) was marked in one of the journals, as well as other special dates that at the time might not have been that significant to us but they were significant enough to her to mark them down.
Over these last few weeks I heard the most meaning full "I love you" and "I love my family" I have ever heard. I am so blessed to have heard them from her and was able to tell her how much we loved her too. That is a gift I will never let go of!
As we go on each day, lets remember that we don't know what our next moment has for us or when will we take our last breath. Let's make the best of the time here on this earth. We, well I,need to remember to live like I know that I am loved, showing it through hugs, small acts of kindness, making sure that I don't go to bed angry at someone, and to remember to tell others how much I care and make sure to say those words "I Love You".
Revelation 21:4 ESV He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
Gives me comfort, knowing that some day I will see them again...
I envision you all walking the streets of gold....Until we see you again and we can walk those streets together!
Isaiah 40:31 NIVbut those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
When I was sick last year, an anonymous person(s) sent me a stack cards (approximately the size of business cards) with scripture verses to help me though my journey. These all these verses incorporated my name in them (Ex. Though the mountains vanish, My unending love will never leave you, Jackie. Isaiah 54:10 or I will cause all things to ultimately work for your good, Jackie. Romans 8:28). Daily, I would go through the stack; sometimes a bunch of the verses would move me and other times just one verse would stick with me that day. These cards were and still are such a blessing to me. So THANK YOU who ever sent them! The verse Isaiah 40:31, is one of my favorites & was one of those verses in the stack. When I had or am having a hard time, this verse tends to pop into my head. When I think of eagles, I see a large beautiful bird, a bird that should have a hard time flying, but eagles soar or glide through the sky so high making it look so effortless. So the analogy of soaring on wings like eagles brings such hope to me.
Some Difficult times...
Honestly, the last few weeks have been difficult and well discouraging. I have still been struggling with constant migraines. After this second round of the thirty-one Botox injections, I was positive I was going to have a successful outcome. Unfortunately, yet again, they haven't seemed to have made much of a difference. These migraines drive me "mad" at times; I just want to rip my head off my neck. The nausea, brain fog, dizziness, as well as the pounding (are just few of my symptoms) can be trying and well exhausting. Even just "sucking-up" the pain or the other symptoms, can be just as exhausting as the migraines themselves. Sometimes I feel that not only am I suffering but I feel as though my family and those around me are as well.
Then I have been watching a woman, my grandmother, who was in decent health a few months ago, suddenly get sick, end up in the hospital, and then be transferred to a nursing home. It was almost a year to the date of my cancer diagnosis when she ended up being diagnosed herself; unfortunately at this point there is nothing that can be done for her, other than making her comfortable. Over these last two months, she looks as though she has aged 30 years. Watching her lay helpless only able to barely talk & communicate, breaks my heart; especially knowing that it is just a matter of time before her life here on earth will be over.
(I found this tank and it is so "fitting" at times. It is perfect for those moments that I needed a reminder not to give up... It's one of my favorite tanks & I have had a few people stop me to tell me they love the verse!)
On top of all this, I am adding more and more to my prayer list for injuries or sickness, a well as hearing more and more people around me being diagnosed with the dreaded "C" word. It seems like my prayer list is growing rather than shrinking. My heart is just aching for each of these men and women! I just wish I could fix it! And then there is everything else that life entails... As I feel myself "growing weary", and questioning God...I am reminded by the verse to focus my eyes on the Lord; He is our strength! I love the analogy about running and not growing weary. By now, you obviously know I enjoy running. If you run, you may have had that feeling at the beginning or middle of your run that you can't run any further; then "BAM," all the sudden a boost of energy hits you & you have the feeling you can conquer anything! So basically when I am weary God helps give me the strength to keep going!
I'm NOT Going to Grow Weary or Faint
As I have stated before, I have always struggled with self-esteem issues. So about a year ago I started writing inspirational quotes as well as verses on a dry-erase board, a chalkboard, as well as the mirrors in my master-bathroom to help remind me of what was really important. Sometimes these quotes I write deal with self-esteem, they remind me to be a better mom or wife, or they just maybe a verse or inspirational saying that hits me that day... Well the other week I walked into my bathroom and saw that our youngest daughter had drawn a cross on my mirror as well as stick figures (five of them representing our family) with hearts that said "I love my family". Then this past Monday, I walked in and saw her drawing again; at least I thought she was drawing until I saw this!
She asked me for some help with the spelling and the verse references. But WOW!!! Melt My Heart! It is awesome how God works. He used my youngest daughter at the perfect time. I needed these two reminders! These two verses I had been really drilling myself with and I know she saw my notes around the house and my tank with the one verse on it, but little did she know I needed to see them again and really needed to focus on them. (That's thing I like about using the dry-erase markers on the mirror; while getting ready, when you look into the mirror you have to focus & look past the writing. Numerous times I end up reading it before I can focus on the subject behind the writing). So when I just want to say forget it, I am tired of seeing these specialists, I might as well just suck-up the pain because nothing is going to change; I have to remind myself "I will run and not grow weary" and " I am going to run with endurance the race that is before me." I am not going to give up on these headaches, I know that God is the ultimate healer. Now, is just not my time for whatever reason!?!? I just need to remain patient, pray, and keep doing my part in trying to find answers. And as I keep going to see my grandmother, I am going try to take-in these last moments with her. As I have flashbacks of her in her younger healthier years which makes me both happy and sad at the same time, I have to remember at least God has blessed me with having a great family...And he has blessed me these last few weeks with hearing her continually say the heartfelt "I love you" or "You know I love my family" (if you know my grandmother, you know she really didn't say those words freely; although though I knew she did). I at least know that when her time comes to leave this earthly home, someday we will see her again; but watching someone go through this isn't easy. I feel like the more I pray for a world free of cancer, the more people around me are affected by it. But again, I am reminded not to grow weary & to continue to pray, to continue "to run with endurance this race before us", to remind others to take care of themselves & stress the importance for routine check-ups, to bring awareness to others because their life is important, and to remind those going through the hard times that sometimes it may not seem like there is going to be an end to the trials, but to put trust in God and he will help them through it all.
I am going to put my trust in God...
(The song above is one of my favorites. It is on my inspirtational playlist. Below are the lyrics.)
So this weekend I attended a wonderful, well amazing women's conference called the "Belong Tour" (what was formally Women of Faith). I was able to spend it with a bunch of amazing women from Friday through Saturday night. My friend Karen introduced me to two lovely ladies that I am so blessed to have met and know that they are also my "Sisters in Christ" and well the fact that our outstanding personalities all meshed really well together was awesome too.
Over the course of the conference were what our team organizer called "nuggets" that I or we would tend to pick up from the conference. These "nuggets" per say were the GOLD or the DIAMONDS as I like to think of that spark my interest, that pull me in, or make me say WHOOOO...
One of the nuggets that I really pulled from the conference that I remember the four of us ladies were talking about was the one phrase that a speaker said... it basically was to "GO AFRAID". WOW! I felt her speaking RIGHT TO ME!!!! This was crazy to me... Because the whole week before I had this struggle... which I will explain later...
So basically she wasn't saying you need to be afraid the whole time when you go out to do something. What I took from it was, she was saying if God leads you to do something and you are scared to take that step, DO IT ANYWAY! If God wants us to do this he will help us through it. If we are scared of the pain it may cause or make you feel, of rejection, of being ridiculed whatever and do nothing & we just sit in our homes how are we going to honor Christ? How are we going to make ourselves stronger?
She basically said that if we stop being scared of pain we will find our purpose. How crazy is that!?!? So if we stop being scared of pain, heartache, and rejection and then take that leap of faith & just do it, God will show us our purpose; wow..
So anyway, here I go again!!! This whole blog thing was a step of faith for me... Hence the name of the blog! TOTALLY OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE. I am not comfortable talking about me! I felt pulled to do this a year ago and like I said before kept putting it off, thinking that this crazy idea would go away.
One day I was talking about it to a wonderful woman, Elaine; I just love her. I was telling her how I would love to help others and was thinking about writing blog. As we talked, I told her I was struggling because I don't particularly like talking about me and obviously writing a blog I would have to & that is pretty uncomfortable; then the fact was I just didn't really know where to begin. I also was throwing around the idea about maybe writing an article for the newspaper on ovarian cancer awareness as well as just thanking the community. She loved all these ideas.
The next thing she says to me was, "Jackie, I really think you should speak at the Relay for Life. You would be great." "I didn't realize she had any say in who speaks at the Relay, Oh, my... now what have I gotten myself into?" These were some of the thoughts going through my mind as well as "How am I going to get myself out of this mess, I am totally not worthy to speak to all these people, there are so many other people that would be better than me, I am not a public speaker...." So I politely declined. She looked at me and put her hands on my hands and said something like, "Please don't say no yet, think about it and pray about it, and give me an answer in a couple weeks."
After she left I walked back to my computer and checked my e-mail. There was one from our pastor, I started reading it, and stopped. Oh, my! I think this was me being hit in the head with a brick by God! In it our pastor was asking me to speak in front of our entire church body at a brunch giving my testimony on how God has worked in our lives especially over the difficult times. Guess what time it was sent to me???? Yup, you probably guessed it... The same time I was being asked to speak at the relay.
Did I call and say yes to both? No, I talked to Jason about it. I prayed about it. I ran at the park and for days stewed over it. Then the song "I am not Alone" kept playing and the words "you will go before me" kept playing and I kept feeling this burden that I needed to do this! At the park I said, "OK GOD! I will e-mail our pastor and tell him I will do it, and if it goes well then I will say yes to the relay." (Basically making a deal with God...) After I agreed to speak, I felt this burden lifted from my shoulders;it was so crazy!
Well I was SCARED! I was so nervous that Sunday and EVERYONE was there. (You have to understand our church is probably one of the larger ones in the county and we have two services and both services were at this brunch meaning hundreds of people) I prayed that I wouldn't fall! (Because if you know me I am a huge klutz!) After I didn't fall, I trembled as I introduced myself to everyone.. "Hello my name is Jackie and I am 30 years old until I tell you otherwise", God allowed me to use my dry sense of humor to get everyone laughing (I am obviously not 30) and calm me down. Once that happened I don't remember anything else; It wasn't me talking, God was speaking through me! Everything just flowed out of my mouth.
Remember that deal I basically made with God? I shouldn't have made a deal with God. I picture him laughing at me because he knew that I was going to be speaking at that Relay! He knows that ultimately in my heart I want to help others & make a difference even if it is just one person. I spoke at the Relay for Life; it was a wonderful experience, the set up was beautiful, the community support amazing, the love and just I can't even explain what I felt that night it was an experience I will never forget.
I was so scared before that speech! But my biggest prayer was that I could reach one person that needed to see a doctor; it didn't have to be about ovarian cancer, it could be for depression, heart issues, diabetes, or whatever. I was not expecting to hear from anyone but God answered that prayer and he even showed me that he answered it! I had a woman message me that night saying she had the symptoms I spoke of and she was calling her doctor, then another woman contacted me, and I had someone say, "I haven't been to my gynecologist in years I am calling because of you this week." Tears started flowing after each person contacted me and thinking about it they still flow!
So I have been taking those steps of faith and stepping WAYYYYY out of my comfort zone. I was afraid to do something... and kinda like those old Nike commercials the line "JUST DO IT", I felt and still feel God was and is telling me "Jackie, Just Do It! Trust me!". Granted I did it, and I was trusting God and I am amazed at the outcomes so far.
September 6th, I had a phone call from my oncologists office. It was the day before my appointment. I was thinking, "they must be calling to reschedule". The girl on the phone said to me something like, "I have a strange request, someone here at Pinnacle saw your blog and knew you were a patient here and wanted to see if you would be interested in doing an interview; I can't release any info without your permission, would you be interested? If you want I can have them call you and they can fill you in and then you can make the decision." I was on put the spot, and trying to think of what to even say. I knew that I had come this far, so might as well find out what it is about, so I said "OK!".... Within Two minutes I had a phone call. I was told about this video interview. I was totally nervous! I was thinking, "I am not sure that it was my thing!" Another example of something WAY OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE! As I was being told about the interview I was also told that if I was going to do it they were conducting the interview tomorrow morning. This was to spread awareness for Ovarian Cancer and they wanted to do it right away since it is September and Ovarian Cancer Awareness month as well as show off some of Pinnacle Health's services. "AHHHHH Tomorrow MORNING!!!! Oh my!!!! OK God what do you want me to do????" All these thoughts going through my head. Then the thought went through my head. "You have come this far, it isn't about you, it is about those you can possibly help." That is when I said yes. https://youtu.be/YlR1klFY4LU
So as the speakers this weekend talked about; sometimes we can't just take the "easy button" in life, sometimes we have to run in scared!
This morning we went to church our pastor summed up the weekend's conference perfectly with his message; I love when this happens.
Basically don't let the fear control you. Let God take control of your fear so he can allow him to lead and direct your life.
My friends Heidi and Karen both said to me (I never thought of it until they brought it up) something like, "God had a reason for you to create and post your first blog post around the anniversary of you surgery. September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month and he showed it to a person who was moved by your story enough that they wanted to interview you and share your story."
All I can say is---- WOW!
I don't know what God has in-store for me next, but I know I have to remain open-minded and ready to receive. What About you? What are you going to do, Take the "easy button" or trust God and go for it, even if afraid?
From the time I was a young child I always had to be on the move. Growing up we didn't have a television in our house until I was in fifth grade. That television was not hooked up to anything but an antenna for local channels to watch the news and to a VCR to watch movies. This gave me a chance to ride bike or run up and down our street, swing for hours, lay under the clouds using my imagination to see what images the clouds would form, jump rope, play basket ball, basically to just be a kid. This is so unlike many kids today, stuck in the "electronic world".
I was a "perfect" child who never got into trouble; you can ask my parents. Ha Ha. Okay, I had my moments. IF my brother and I (he is about seven years older than I) got ourselves into trouble and were disciplined for it, mine was different than his. He got paddled (which was rare because he really was a good kid) and I was stood in the corner. Not because my parents loved me more... It was because it worked best for us. He could have sat or stood in a corner for hours but the paddle was more effective. I begged my mom to paddle my butt so that the punishment would have been DONE & OVER, standing in the corner was TORCHER & BORING; but nope she knew this was the most effective method for me.
When I step in the house where my grandparents lived, the memories flow back. We joke about my permanent nose mark in the corner by the basement door. And I laugh because I can still see my brother running circles around the kitchen and living room to get away from my mom and the paddle.
I am one that has a hard time sitting still, I almost get anxious if I am cooped up for too long. So when I was stuck in my house last year after surgery, I felt like I was under "house arrest". My mother was stuck to me like glue (granted she was wonderful) but I couldn't even lift a finger without getting in trouble. When I finally got the "go ahead" to start working out and going to work I felt like I "BROKE FREE"! It felt wonderful and I definitely tested my limits and probably did way too much (which everyone was worried about). When I did too much, ohhh I felt it!
I had many people keeping me "straight" from my wonderful hubby, to my kids, to my momma (who spent pretty much every day at the house), to my dad, and in-laws, as well as my best friends, and then there was Bobbi Jo... Love her...
Bobbi Jo definitely tried to keep me straight and well still does. There were times that she would check in on me everyday and sometimes a few times a day to see how I was feeling. Like my mother, she could somehow miraculously tell if I had "overdone it"! There would be days that she knew I was doing too much, so she would say something like "I sure hope you are resting sweetie..." and her heart is just so full of love and concern. So in order to assure her I was fine and resting, I would send her a picture of me "resting". (Like this one.)
When I was told by my doctor that I could "start to work back to running" meaning WALK, Jason & my mom were not the only ones who worried about that; Bobbi Jo was I think just as worried if not more concerned! Everyone knew that once I was cut loose and I wasn't going to look back.
At one point, Bobbi Jo threatened to come to my house and take all my sneakers away because she felt I was over doing it. So I told her she would have to find them all or I could just go in my bare feet. And we would both just laugh. But she definitely helped keep me somewhat grounded and still does!
Lately....
As of now you all know I love to run. Running is my outlet.
I get my hubby out with me and he loves it just as much as I do. Okay, now I am lying! He loathes it!But he does it because he LOVES ME! and look he has a smile on his face. And I am a nice wifey and maybe I occasionallybribe him with a nice Bunny Burger and Fries (maybe this actually happened twice) with extra Bunny Dust from the Red Rabbit (a local drive-in traditional food restaurant). (Kinda like those pictures you see on social media with the women running because there is a bottle of wine dangling in front of them, haha...)
Snow, sleet, rain, sweltering heat, it doesn't matter I love to run in it all. Well I have always suffered with migraines. These migraines can be so severe that I feel I can barely function, I sometimes lose my vision or get tunnel vision, I get nauseous, feel so weak, my head feels like it is going to pop off my body, my brain is in a complete fog, and I just want to sleep for years (and I get so may other symptoms). I have over the years learned to just DEAL. SMILE. Act as though everything is fine. (During my the whole ordeal last year even my doctor and nurses had no idea I was in a full migraine attack. Like I said I can hide it well. When you have a family and business to run there is no time to be sick. (I have to say after my momma came to one of my appointments the doctor was clued in on what my mother calls my "tells" of when I am sick (and I could/can no longer get away with it).)
Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Lately, I pretty much have a migraine every day. The severity is different. My meds are adjusted so if my vision goes it tends to only be for moments not for hours for the day. But I still run; if I didn't I wouldn't ever be able to run. There are times in the straight areas when no one is around I have to close my eyes so I don't toss my cookies. As my feet hit the ground the pounding in the head can be so much more intense but it is what it is... Once I am done, I tend to feel a tad better.
But right now I am really bummed because I am on day FOUR, yes FOUR of not running because of this!
Ugh... I am NOW WHINING!!!!!
Normally, nothing can stop me even the darn migraines, I will find a way. WELL THIS DID!
Well originally when I did this, a week ago, I was hit on the inside of the ankle by a flying field hockey ball and the ankle looked like this. I babied the ankle all night, icing it on and off into the next morning;the swelling went down! It was stiff but I ran five miles on it the next evening (although it was sore at first, then turning into pain three quarters of the way through my run) & it swelled up again, so I iced it. Again, the swelling receded and the pain decreased; I ran on it the following day. Each day after seemed better and better. It was as good as new, until I started playing field hockey against my whole youth team (almost a week later). I would say I aggravated it a tad during that little scrimmage.
Even as I am typing this blog, I am trying to think up ways of how I can go for a run with this bummed ankle. Like maybe if I wrap the ankle tighter and make it a shorter run because the swelling is down. What if I just use Mr. Elliptical today that shouldn't jar anything, right? Or maybe I will just ride my bike..... I am such a genius, soooo smart right? Well I have never said that I was smart!
I guess I will Slow Down, TODAY.
Last year before I got sick, I remember we were so busy going from point A-Z that we didn't have time to stop and even breathe. I remember saying to my friends "I just wish I had a day to stay home." (Wish granted. I had many days at home.) Sometimes, I feel that we just need to slow down our busy lives and stop and smell the roses. This just maybe my time to stop and smell those roses. So I will stop being stubborn and rest this ankle as to not make it worse; I don't want to be out of commission any longer than need be. Maybe swimming will be the workout of choice today.
And when things don't go my way, I need to stop having a pity-party and be thankful for all that I have! God has blessed me with my life & health, my family, and friends.
Romans 5:3-5 (NIV) Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
perseverance, character; and character, hope.
And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
These are just some of the songs that are on my playlist. They have been such a blessing to me through the good and the bad times. Hope they can be a blessing to you!
One of my favorite hymns. If you read one of my posts you will understand more of the significance it has in my journey...
A song that is so special to me "Through All Of It" by Colton Dixon was shared by a friend of mine when he found out I was sick. He was such a fighter and definitely and inspiration! He is now cancer free and free of pain walking the streets of gold with or Lord. The words to this song are so moving and every time I hear this song I think of him; I am SO blessed to have known him! Love you Josh! https://youtu.be/91KliTa1ksY
